One Year

On this day, one year ago, early in the morning as a light rain began to fall, the man I loved left this earth.

                             Memories flood my mind today.

I want to share the first time I saw John Alfred Murphy. June 1995
It was a hot summer day ....at Six Flags over Texas. I was working for American Airlines at the time and it was AA day at Six Flags where everyone there was either employees or guests. I was there with my 2 children and friends.We were in line for the "old fashioned cars". As we winded around in the lines, passing me in the opposite direction was a very tall handsome man. He had long dark blonde hair and a booming voice. As the lines weaved around, we passed several times. Each time noticing each other more. A girl friend of mine was in front of this man. Later that day, I asked her, "who was that tall guy in front of you?" She told me it was her husband's good friend who worked with him. Then the light went on in her head. Hey, he is single with 2 kids. Would you mind if I mentioned you to him? Sure......Later I got a phone call and he introduced himself....John Murphy. After 2 weeks of phone calls and getting to know each other we found that we had grown up in the same town, gone to 6 years of elementary school right across the street from each other. Our paths had been so close for many years. Maybe it was fate. So in July, we had our first date. That's another story for another day. But it can be said that it was love at first sight and we were hooked. One year later....June 26th 1996 we were married.

My life was forever changed on that summer day at Six Flags.
 It began a series of events that brought me to where I am today.


 As sorrow overwhelms me, I am reminded.....life goes on. I am so thankful for the beautiful memories I have. The dreams we shared and many we accomplished together. But life continues on. I look around and see that everyone is going about with their lives. Me included. Everything is continuing on....without John. Years ago, I felt the same when my parents left this earth. We continue to go on, minus our loved ones. But I know that this world, my world, was better for having them in it. It may have not been for as long as I wished, but God's plan will be revealed someday and I will understand. So for now, I am trying to continue on. Look for new dreams. Find happiness. Enjoy this beautiful life that God has blessed me with. Learn again how to be independent and most of all....move on. Wipe my tears, hold John in my heart for eternity and move on. Knowing that each year August 29 will be a day of sad memories.
My heart goes out to every women out there that has a day of sad memories.
The term "Widow" is not one I though I would ever share.

Summer Storm

Just before sunset last Sunday, the sky began to rumble. I went out to close the chicken coop and do my evening count, when the wind seems to gust out of nowhere. HOT. The northern sky was billowing with blue and amber colored clouds. I walked around the house and thought..bring on the rain! PLEASE, Lord we need the rain. Don't laugh, but I even did a little rain dance. I have done this many times. I like to imagine my ancestors who did it much better than myself. Hey, what good is 80 acres if you can't just bust out with a rain dance when you want to? The cats just watched but Yogi wanted to join in! As the darkness began to fall, the sky lit up with flashes of lightening and far away thunder could be heard. I returned to the house but kept a look out the window. When the electricity flashed off, I returned to the porch for a better look. About the time I opened the door, the huge metal trash can I keep range cubes in, FLEW past me. Everything on the west side of the house was flying to the front of the house. My first reaction was grab Yogi and called Sadie. I led them to our "storm safe spot". The big shower in the mud room.
They when right in and sat down. I ran quickly for the emergency box that holds things needed during storms. I haven't used it since last year! But there was my NOAA weather radio. I plugged it in and as we all sat in the bathroom I listened thinking there was a tornado on Murphy Ranch. But NO-just straight line wind up to 65mph. It was all very scary. This being alone in in the middle of nowhere is getting harder and harder to take. So me and 2 dogs sat in the shower for about 30min.

When NOAA radio said the storm had passed I went outside to take a look. However, Yogi thought the closet was a good spot to hide.

Since it was dark I couldn't see much but I checked the dish on the house and the roof best I could. Everything appeared to be fine. The next morning, however, revealed some strange sights. The slide on the kids swing set was off the ground.

Everything on the west side of the porch was GONE! A mesquite tree was split and lots of debris was in the yard.
I decided, for the first time EVER, Yogi was allowed to stay inside.

 When I finally went to bed, I lay there watching the lightening flash bright in my room and then thunder in the distance. I thought about storms of long ago, when I would lay in the arms of the man I love and fall asleep feeling so safe. Things are different now, I am still safe but my arms are empty.

The next day, when I returned from work, I found the chair, table, kiddie picnic table, feed can and lid....all quite far from the house but all was fine. Nothing was broken. Apparently my rain dance worked....a little. The rain gauge revealed Murphy Ranch had gotten 1 inch of rain.

Circle of Life

With all of the changes in my life, there is one change I welcome....a new grandchild!
What a blessing. My daughter is expecting her first child and is due in February.

Sunset, a full moon and changes on the horizon

Since I have lost my husband, partner, lover and best friend-my life has changed and seems to keep changing. As I adapt to the very lonely way of life here on the ranch, I am constantly questioning my future. As time goes by-and God seems to give me hints-I am feeling this chapter of my life may be coming to an end. Perhaps living in town is the beginning of the next chapter of my life.
25 miles from town and the stress of the ranch is beginning to be a heavy burden. It is the toughest decision I have ever had to make.
I know whatever I decide will not come easily.

As I look around and see the sun setting, my heart is heavy but life goes on. The sun will come up in the morning and I am still here....without John. Strength and confidence...happiness and peace is in my prayers every day.
Show me the way dear Lord....light up my path.