I did it

The weekend started out cold and rainy.

Rain Rain Rain.

What a blessing. The creeks are running, the pond is full and maybe-just maybe-we will be blessed with acres of wild flowers this spring.

I planned a day at home for this wonderful Saturday. Sleep late. Fix Breakfast. Sip my favorite coffee while I plan my day. I have been thinking about completing something that my honey was never able to. Change the faucet on our tub. I bought one quite awhile ago and had planned to have one of the brothers change it out. It is difficult to always ask for help, so today I decided to try it myself. Thanks to my honey for his past directions and his many tools...I DID IT!

Small steps to regaining my confidence. Knowing I am still alive and there is life to be lived. Small steps.

The wind on my face

I made a quick trip to the big city for my grandson's 4th birthday party.

Happy Birthday Bryce!

I left on a cold windy afternoon and returned the next day to a winter wonderland. There is something about snow that brings a smile to your face. Even though I was worried about the roads, the windmill, the cows and the pump house....the snow made me smile. Yes, I am somewhat of a worry wart. I tend to thing too much. John always had things figured out even before it happened-I am not so good at that-so I worry. Always have. But I am happy to report that by this morning, the snow has melted and the sun is shining. I am off work today and enjoying God's beauty. Well, that and getting caught up on some chores. Late morning I put hay on the 4 wheeler and took it to the cow feeder. Then I took a ride to the cemetery as I often do. Time is passing so quickly and life is moving forward. I take a deep breath and hug my John in my mind and ride on. Checking the fence line and enjoying the cold air and warm sun on my face. I so love this country. It calms me and give me a feeling of such satisfaction. But it is just so different without my partner. My reality has changed. But today I am like Scarlett-I'll think about that tomorrow. Today I am just riding in the wind.

Is there something that you do that just erases the worries of the day?

If not, may I suggest you find something.

Enjoy this day..this day that God has given us.

54 Years Old - 1st Birthday

The day began with a bit of a pitty party but was soon changed to smiles as my children began to wish me happy birthday. It began with a smile from my oldest followed by phone calls and songs from my twins. All this was before I even left for work. Beautiful bouquets arrived at work to brighten my day even more. Singing email cards too. There should be no sadness. However, at the end of the day as I readied for bed I could not longer push the thought of John from consuming my thoughts. I got lost in the memories of birthday dinners, cakes with candles, songs, wishes and "the card". He ALWAYS found the perfect card. Usually brought tears to my eyes followed by a tender kiss.

Oh how I miss the kiss.

As I slipped into my empty bed, my feet still search for his feet. Now they only find cool crisp sheets. I got out of bed, went to my treasure drawer and found John's birthday card to me from last year. Yes, the tears ran down my check, but as the memories flooded my mind and soul-I could almost feel him, and I smiled.

I will forever carry him and the memories in my heart and
they will make me smile.