With one week to go, I spent the weekend preparing.I got up Saturday morning and fixed my favorite breakfast....waffles.
After a few chores, the elf work began. Something happened that took me totally by surprise. I opened a box of decorations-the one with the stockings. It was time to hang them by the tree. There was John's stocking. What? do I do? The last time I saw that stocking, John was here helping me hang them. We always laughed because OUR stockings were the smallest. I smiled-took his stocking out and looked at it for a while. I don't know what the rules are about these things, but I decided not to hang it. I folded it and put it back in the box. It will stay there...forever.
Just as John will stay in my heart...forever. Setting everything up was a lonely task. But when the train took off for the 1st time this year, it felt like Christmas. The train was John's favorite. There are so many things that at first make me sad, then make me smile. It is a strange emotional roller coaster. Soon the house that John built, will filled with little kids, big kids and lots of laughter. I am sure my heart will ride that roller coaster a few more times.
3 comments:
Oh Brenda! My heart just goes up and down with yours. So many emotions. So much to process. I'm sure there aren't any rules. Grieving is personal.
I think you're doing a wonderful job remembering and letting go. Both, which I'm sure, are very hard.
Your home looks quite festive. How fun that everyone will be gathering to celebrate with you.
Merry Merry Christmas~ Cinnamon
All those firsts must be so difficult...
Praying that you find comfort this season in the One whose came to bring us peace - with each other and with God...
Deanna
Merry Christmas dearest Brenda!
Having a few tears with you tonight.
Love to you friend,
-Analene
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